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[15 Jul 2010|12:43pm]
it’s really strange when someone can see right through you. see right through the clever smoke and mirrors that you’ve set up for years and pinpoint exactly who you are with a few words and straightforward comments. the very foundations of the guise that you hold desperately onto are shaken and you actually have to stop and think and rerealize who you actually are. and it’s not pretty and it’s not cute and it cuts and hurts and wounds when you realize that you started believing your own outer shell to be your true self. and then you realize that your problems are more deeply seated than you imagined and you’re not as tough as you make yourself out to be (or wish you were) and that it’s not because you simply don’t believe in monogamy (or whatever other bullshit excuse you can find that day) but because you have real intimacy issues and have actually been hurt in your life. and this person completely, blatantly calls you out on it and you’re not used to it and you don’t know how to react. but it’s good, it’s so good because you realize how long it’s been since someone tried to get the know the real you and, even though looking at your true self in the mirror hurts because it’s been so long, the hurt is necessary. and real. and one of the only things that is.
1 Danced through the fire Dance with me

[17 May 2010|10:41pm]
This made me laugh so hard that I cried.

Dance with me

[07 May 2010|11:17am]
[ mood | alive ]

tumblin' all day, every day. catch me there, bitches. :)


Dance with me

what's the speed of dark, anyway? [14 Mar 2010|12:39am]
[ mood | calm ]

Today was boring. And rainy.

I woke up obscenely late in the day after going to bed obscenely late last night. The only reason I even woke up when I did was because my dad came to pick my sister up around noon. We were all sleeping, actually. So then my half-asleep ass decides that I should try to make breakfast while, uh, HALF ASLEEP so that I could get something down before I had to go to work.

So I'm in the kitchen, slicing a bagel with a fucking sharp ass serrated bagel knife while talking to my dad. He's on this kick now where he thinks that, because I'm a med student, I can obviously tell him what's wrong with him. He was talking about how his fingernail is growing in weird and he can't remember if he hit it at work or something, so he wanted to know if it was because he had possibly hit it or if it was some sort of infection for another reason. So I'm leaning over, still half asleep, looking at my father's weird fingernail while still trying to cut this bagel, which is not presliced for whatever reason. These days, I thought everything was presliced.

So, in paying attention to my dad rambling, the knife slips. CUE BLEEDING EVERYWHERE. A deep, one inch cut from the bottom of my palm extending down into my wrist a little. Without even flinching, I turn on the cold water and let it run over the cut, while still listening to my dad. My mom starts freaking out a little, but it doesn't even hurt that bad, it's just a little gruesome. Like, I probably should have gotten stitches and the skin is still flayed. But I washed it out and covered it with some neosporin and a few bandaids and was good to go. Luckily, there was no blood on my french toast bagel, so I still ate it. Tasty, but not totally worth sacrificing my hand.

Work was lame. Did whatever I was told, wandered around a lot, made some rings and cookies and Italian bread. It was boring. I realized, during my shift, that I'm fucking doomed to having one Tokio Hotel song or another stuck in my head for all eternity. Today's was "In Die Nacht." I played it on my phone because I was alone for the second half of my shift and it got out of my head, thankfully.

Came home, no food in the house. Scrounged and found some soup. Sister's at my dad's house, mom's off doing something somewhere. Took a shower, started back in on the TH pr0n. Did my nails and they look awesome. Caitlin would approve because I'm obviously so punk rock. Mom came home at midnight with dumplings, they were delicious.

Now I'm halfway through a Tom's t-shirt series that I'd like to finish after I turn off my mom's TV and light, because I'm a good daughter. Work again tomorrow, but definitely not a bad start to spring break.

I'm still totally noobing over my vacation. It's really lame how excited I am.

Night, kids.

5 Danced through the fire Dance with me

[22 Feb 2010|10:03pm]
[ mood | awake ]

I think my issue is that I lust after people too easily.

4 Danced through the fire Dance with me

HOLD ME CLOSELY NOW BUT DON'TTTT [14 Feb 2010|11:08pm]
[ mood | awake ]

Blah blah blah I never update this thing anymore.
My life is awesomely weird. If you wanna know about my life, find me on tumblr or facebook or something.
I pretty much keep these things to lurk communities and read my friend's entries.

I have "It Was Mine" stuck in my head. Awesome!

Kbye. <3

2 Danced through the fire Dance with me

[10 Jan 2010|10:35pm]
[ mood | calm ]

So I'm not gonna write this epic entry like I intended to, because I don't have that much to report.

Friday was definitely fun but not what I expected. The day started pretty much when I got my ass in gear and went to take a shower. Afterwards, I went to grab some breakfast and read in the library until my interview at the humane society. That went well--every thursday, starting next week, I get to go to the humane society and play with cats for 2 and a half hours for community service. Pretty sweet. Afterwards, I met up with my friend Alex, who goes to Georgetown and I never get to see.

Alex and I went to go see Youth In Revolt, which was a super cute movie. Afterwards, we decided to go get something to eat. Now, we went to Tisane's, which is a little indie restaurant in West Hartford, about twenty minutes away from my house. The parking lot was full, so we parked across the street. So Alex and I are inside for maybe 45 minutes, and then we go back outside to head home so I can get ready to go out to the club.

Look at that. MY CAR IS GONE. The exact spot in which I parked my car now has a white acura, which is NOT what I drive. So we go inside the store that owns the parking lot, which happens to be FedEx/Kinko's. Apparently they had my car towed because I wasn't supposed to park in that parking lot. Now, I had never been towed before so I was like, "WTF?" I wasn't really pissed off or freaking out or anything, I was just really annoyed. So I got the number for the towing company, and they said I could pick up my car the next morning. So Alex called her dad and he drove us home, which was super nice of him.

Then I got home and explained to my mom what happened. She sorta laughed at me and made fun of me making stupid mistakes. I was sorta put off, but I had plans to go to this club for like two months so I got ready and persuaded my mom to let me use her car because I suddenly didn't have one.

I'm sorta pissed that I didn't take pictures because I looked HOT. Short black lace dress with long sleeves with a pale pink corset over it, sheer tights, and slouchy black boots. I wanted to wear my military-esque boots, but they were in my car which was towed haha. It worked out well though, because I didn't have any pockets obviously, so i just slid everything into my boots and they stayed there the whole night haha.

So I got to the club and it was actually pretty mellow. I got there like an hour and a half after doors opened, but there still wasn't that many people there. They were just playing industrial music and there were a few people on the dance floor, even though pretty much everyone there was in the bar area. There were a few people I recognized, so I made small talk. I sorta stood off to the side against the wall for the first part of the night, but then this random girl pulled me onto the dance floor and I was pretty much dancing for the rest of the night. I met a lot of cool new people and danced with a nice man named Will who was wearing a kilt. He was very pleasant and a good dancer for a white guy. ;)

So it wasn't was I expected, but it definitely led me in the right direction. I got the name of a few clubs in the CT/MA area that caters to the darker side of things... So I'm keeping my eyes open and going to go to these things and hopefully I'll get to where I want to be. I had fun, though I'm pissed I don't have pictures haha. I did take some pictures with this woman who sells lingerie though, so maybe I can find them.

The next event is a masquerade ball on Jan 12th (tuesday?!) but it's in northampton and i'm not sure if I wanna drive all the way there. I might though, because I'm not doing anything on Wednesday. And I just realized that it's seriously down the street from Smith (phoe and caitlin!)  at a gay club, nonetheless. I'll check it out, probably. If I don't make it, there's also a masquerade ball on Feb 5th at the same venue as Friday night...

Whatever. I'm excited to go again, because I did have a good time. The more people I meet, the closer I am to finding the scene that I'm looking for.


I found pictures!Collapse )

2 Danced through the fire Dance with me

[08 Jan 2010|10:51am]
[ mood | excited ]

taking this shower begins an EPIC weekend.
i'm excited and hope everything turns out well. :)
hopefully i'll remember everything well enough to update this afterwards. <3

1 Danced through the fire Dance with me

[07 Jan 2010|03:47am]
[ mood | giddy ]

2010 is going EXACTLY how i want it to.
i'm so happy. like, SO happy. everything about my life right now is... perfect.

Dance with me

[17 Dec 2009|11:32am]
You've got exquisite taste
I've got the marks to show.

Honestly? I love my life.
2 Danced through the fire Dance with me

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